He had a mop of reddish brown hair, dark eyes, smiled out of the corner of his mouth and I grew up with him. By his side I became so much more than my taste in music and the clothes I wore. In so many words, I fell in love with him and though, in so many words, he left me, I can't stop, won't stop feeling that. There's no switch that you can just turn off and on whenever you please, love isn't something you can just quit. You can't stop loving like you can stop smoking, there's no such thing as cold turkey. I loved him when he made everyday something new and fun and I still love him though I spend my days with someone else. I could be with the man of my dreams and I'd still harbor all of this. This dark haired, shining eyed boy wasn't the man of my dreams. He was reality.

i love late nights and frat boys and cheap beer. the men you wouldn't normally give a second glance to all of a sudden rival the brad pitts and edward nortons: their faces more palatable and their muscles a bit more warm and inviting. yeah it's a friday morning and i could quite possibly be asleep right now considering i have an essay due in a few hours, but another drink won't hurt. it's not like i'd want to sleep in a frat house. so since my designated driver isn't fixated on leaving quite yet, i believe i'll let myself accept another can, another shot, another this another that. these boys are all right. they're gentlemen. i'll be fine, just another drink. 
loosen up, feel the music coming from that room down the hall. it's a thursday, the party isn't bumping, but the crowd is still there. brothers and a couple sorority girls dressed to the nines. there i am, dressed in nothing special. i know i'll go back home and sleep in the shirt i'm wearing because that's what it lends itself towards. sleeping in. it's a big shirt. bought from the men's section. ten percent off, a steal. 
they're sweet guys, offering me drinks like its their nine to five. but they don't mean anything by it. it's a "welcome to the house, we're a great frat, drink our juice, you're a lady and we're kind like that" kind of thing. they'd offer their jackets if they could. they'd pay for the movies and dinner, open car doors even if it's all the way over there. they'd make you smile and the night is young so they offer you another drink. 
chivalry is not dead.

it's whats inside that drives us crazy

look down
as bullets drop
and tears fall
while hearts break.
drop guns
as their back turns
their eyes look away
and your kisses land on their cheek.

watching the shadow of the sun as it rises, the smell of her body and her sheets still linger on his skin. he's never been the one to leave in the morning, but then again he's never been led on. he knows she doesn't care if he stays or if he goes,
she'll find someone new in a few hours.
it's daylight outside but her curtains are pulled and it's hard to see in her bedroom. in complete darkness he pulls on his shirt and puts his shoes on his feet. he's memorized her room, memorized it in a night; his last night. 
his stomach growls and he's hungry for food and 
somewhere in his heart he's hungry for her. 
she was a beautiful lover and he wants to stay with her, but he wants to leave her even more.

i guess being with you is like touching a burning bulb of light,
it's hot and you burn. but as much as i get hurt, morbid curiousity fuels my want to keep touching,
see what would happen if i touched it for a few seconds longer this time, 
if i touched you one more time. by the end of the day, my hands are burnt red to a crisp
and it's hard to switch the light off.

today i asked about your plans
and how much they had to do with me
i wanted to know if i was a part of your future
and when i found out i wasn't
i was happier than i thought i'd be.
i don't want to be in your plans
i want to forget who you really are
and just remember our good times
and i won't be able to do that if i'm by your side.