time heals all wounds
but just wait.
in time, something new will come along
and tear it open again.
but then,
over time,
you forget about it.
you learn to be better
until some time has passed
and it all falls again.
but just wait.
time heals
the wounds
it's bound
to open
in time.

cities have architectural histories
and so do i.
the landscape of my life evolves thanks to my own wars and revolutions.

grassy fields
ravaged
savage tears
growth
destruction
construction
revolution
rebuild
taller
better
higher
stronger
sky's the limit
fall
ice over
thaw
rebuild
slower
better
solid
foundation
stronger
attempts at destruction
stronger
fortress
stronger
drawbridge
stronger

i can't describe it
no words come close
but i can close my eyes
and picture it
that's enough for me
i suppose.
but then that means i
can't share
the dreams that fill my
sleep
no words do it justice
so its mine alone to
keep
i try to fill you in
but no words i know
compare
to the way i feel in
my dream
when his hands, like wind,
ruffle my hair.
there's no way to explain
so i might as well not try
for to describe anything else
would surely be a lie.

all my stories, this story, makes up my history. fills up my gold-embossed addition to the world. my tales of love, of loss, of have and have not. my pages that sit next to your pages - all are filled with my most minuscule moments. the ones i can't remember and the ones i can't forget. all brought me here - all will lead me onwards. regardless of what i find relevant - every minute contributed. every person contributed. all those faces i've seen but never met have come together to make the one man i'll always dream of but never find. all the words i see but never remember make up the poems and songs i want to write but can't. all the things that barely touched the outskirts of my life affect me more than i can give them credit. my story is complete with them, yet incomplete without their proper annotation. my life is full of uncredited information and that drives the rest of my story. provides the fuel for the relationships i recognize and the words i love. all my stories make up this story. this story makes up part of my history. my history is affected and affects those around me. all our stories are but chapters in the grand scheme. in a grand scheme.

i spent enough time blaming the wrong people, namely myself.
it's about time i laid out justice
where justice is due.
freeing myself from self-imposed punishments and beatings.
clearing my mind of inadequacies
and what might have beens.
what might have been is i could be worse off.
you never think of it that way - that the alternate could be bad.
that the might've been you've been dreaming of is what you're actually living.
i'm starting to think of it all that way.
that this is what i hoped for
when i fell asleep smiling
and what i had to tear myself awake from.
i spent enough time imagining the other
when i should have lived the now.
a self-imposed punishment of greener pastures.
a corporal punishment of gazing too hard through the looking glass.
it's about dishing out due justice
justice to this world,
this life i'm living.
it's about taking the blame off of myself
and replacing it with praise.
what might have been has nothing
on what is.

so unamused
unenthralled
of living life
by unwritten conventions.
antiquated rules
based on age-old notions.
i live the way i want to live
with whom i want to live it with
regardless of what people say
and what they have "planned for me"
i'm not sorry i don't fit your
age-old notions
or live by your antiquated rules
i write my own conventions
living life
enthralled
amused.

leaves fall
under the sun
like splashes of color
raining down
onto a blank canvas.
a barren earth
laden with green
and blue
now covered in splotches
of burnt reds
browns
oranges.
leaves fall
under the moon
colors vibrant
but immeasurable
until the sun rises
and opens the world's eyes
to a fresh layer
of splashes
of color.
fallen leaves
leaves fall
behind

distance causes us to disengage
disregard the memories
and discontinue to feel anything anymore.
distance drives us farther away
geographically
emotionally
until all that's left are memories
that i don't keep anymore.
memories that don't affect me anymore
memories i don't remember anymore
distance is what i need more than time
sometimes.