love lasts forever, but feelings can change.
i never doubt that i loved him for over five years, but that love dissipated and made way for apathy and disbelief. i couldn't bring myself to feel so strongly and so positively towards someone who held onto the past so tightly and so negatively. i've changed since high school and i wanted to think he had too, but around his birthday this past year i learned that he still harbored high school drama. he kept his heart cold instead of turning a new, matured page and i figure that if he can forget the good and just focus on the bad, i can forget it all and just focus on someone else.

secret garden girl

saved by hiding behind fences and locked gates
you'd need a shovel to find her thoughts
buried under bushes by the roots of trees
your curiosity climbs and seeps like the vines
she'd stand behind, out of view
bamboo spreads like ideas of breaking down walls
words linger like fog, hanging above everyone
gazes drop when words go too far and tales become too tall
she'd keep the key away from arm's reach
ideas won't bring you closer
fog isn't a blanket but a cover up
tall tales can't take you to the tops of trees

He had a mop of reddish brown hair, dark eyes, smiled out of the corner of his mouth and I grew up with him. By his side I became so much more than my taste in music and the clothes I wore. In so many words, I fell in love with him and though, in so many words, he left me, I can't stop, won't stop feeling that. There's no switch that you can just turn off and on whenever you please, love isn't something you can just quit. You can't stop loving like you can stop smoking, there's no such thing as cold turkey. I loved him when he made everyday something new and fun and I still love him though I spend my days with someone else. I could be with the man of my dreams and I'd still harbor all of this. This dark haired, shining eyed boy wasn't the man of my dreams. He was reality.