my one wish would be for you to not look at me with such disdain when all i want to do is clear the sleep from your eyes. i don't want to love you, at least i don't think i do, but i do want to be there. and i know you want me to be there. so why do we continue to treat people like shit? that's why i'll never tell you i love you because if i ever feel that way, i'll know it's the beginning of the end. no one wants to chase something they already have. no one wants what is possible. at least, i don't. and those i do want - they don't want it either. why are we so afraid of love and its resemblance when it is what makes us feel our most alive? because of a few sad love songs, we've begun to associate sadness and love when really, they relate only occasionally. the pop songs don't affect us. love stories don't either. we only see the bad, only let the bad of the good take root. what's tragic is how we push away those that matter, surrounding ourselves with the dredges. we see the sadness in love before opening our hearts to its beauty. love might end up breaking your heart, but it always leaves beauty behind.

i don't need you to be the hero of my story

i can accomplish that all on my own.

dig myself into trouble, climb my way out.

that's how it was before you,

that's how it will stay.

i don't see your placement in my life as fate,

just coincidental.

i didn't expect you,

though i did enjoy you.

but i'm not looking for your place in my future.

i don't need you to be the hero of my story.

i don't need you.

doesn't mean i don't want you,

but that's another story.

rain smells different where you are. feels different. sounds the same.

it's always water falling from the sky, but alone, it is soothing, calming.

with you, it's exciting and fresh. it smells like brand new streets and new countries. it feels like music notes falling on my umbrella - playing a familiar tune. rain grounds me. wherever i am, it's familiar. flitting off to different locales - the people change, you change, i change, but rain stays the same. except for the way it smells, the way it feels. that changes. it changes us.

raindrops are different when we're together. they act like a wall surrounding us, saving us from the world when we walk hand-in-hand under an umbrella. it feels like a cleansing shower when we get caught outside unexpectedly. it feels like its washing away the dirt in our souls, making us fresh for one another.

alone, i love the rain when i'm not in it. it's no fun getting soaked to the bone without someone there to laugh with. it's cold walking by yourself under an umbrella - all sides exposed to the waves of rain.

it's always going to be water falling from the sky, but there's something about you that makes rainstorms worthwhile. like i've been missing out praying for sun.

sunny days never affected me the way rainstorms have. sunny days don't make me smile, cry, reflect and feel like rainy days. because of you, rain feels different, smells different.

Switzerland

mountains climb over lakes,

snow meets sun and sundays sunning under far away shadows cast by tall peaks.

driving through, stopping at the water,

sighing, dreaming, thinking,

"i want to live here when i grow up"

but i'd settle for living there now.

a country surrounded on its sides by haute-couture, lace, chocolate, and tall, dark and handsome.

a girl can get used to that.

a girl can already start to miss that.

don't turn your back

give it one more chance.

it hurts.

it always will.

even when you think it's okay,

that you're okay -

that one song will tip the scale you didn't know was off center.

and you'll be off center yet again.

but don't turn your back.

face the pain,

show it your courage.

face forward so you can move forward.

turning your back puts you face to face with your dementors.

the sun is shining ahead of you.

don't turn your back.

give it another chance.

London

there's open space between where you are and where you want to be.

a span of nothingness to cause you to lose your footing, to stumble if you don't pay attention.

pay attention.

keep your head up, looking towards your goals,

but watch your step.

cast your eyes downwards for only a moment so as to not miss anything,

cast your eyes downward for only a moment so as to not fall.

make sure to mind the gap while following your dreams.

make sure to mind the gap between where you are

and where you want to be.

your beauty comes out under the sun.

it's like grace is shining down,

reminding the world of how your soul shines.

beauty is fleeting - rarely looking back as it decides to leave, but sometimes it shows up unexpectedly.

walking onto a bus,

smiling at your daughter,

holding your husband's hand.

even on a cloudy day,

the sun seems to find you,

warming your cheeks

and the hearts of those near you.

your beauty shines under the sun for everyone to see.

you knew it was there the whole time.